Here are the real ways to enhance your fertility:
- Do it in a public place, preferably under an apple tree.
- Take a piece of broccoli and swallow whole.
- Do a full handstand after intercourse, followed by a full back flip. Your husband's applause will increase his sperm count.
- Eat a bowl of melted chocolate without a spoon following intercourse.
- Have intercourse before Oprah but never during Dr. Phil.
- Create a fertility dance to a Paula Abdul song (other artists won't be as effective).
- Melt 4 marshmallows and let sit overnight. Rub on your husband/partner's nipples at 3:07pm the following day.
- Wear purple on odd numbered days, blue on even.
- Drink 4 tablespoons of wine from a baby bottle every Tuesday after sundown.
- Glue a tampon to your doorbell.
It is true....you hear the craziest stuff from people when they try and give you their "best advice" about getting pregnant!! My General Practitioner, who I thought was an intelligent woman tried to get me to use egg whites as a lubricant!! Totally gross...and unhygienic... and totally GROSS! Now I am concerned to even talk to her about the common cold!
So, had my Napro meeting with my practitioner last night. I was directed to see her about a month after my miscarriage. It went fine...but honestly, having the "marital embrace" is a lot of work if you do it the "Creighton Way." All of the waiting an hour afterwards and getting up to get rid of the sperm, the checking for muscus every minute of the day, the 25 Kegels that you have to do after...this is all serious work!!! Menwhile hubby gets not ONE instruction!!!! I am so mean...but woman have all the work.
I am so mad at Eve for eating that damn apple!